Gnomograms Transmissions from the server garden

Last week, I went to have dinner with my pseudo-boss from the Oz/NZ trip and several of his co-workers and friends. Our goal was to teach him how to knit. I hopped into my car after work and quickly discovered that I had a flat tire. So Saturday I was lucky enough to purchase two new tires to replace the flat one and its front tire buddy which was badly worn down. I would like to point out that I changed out the flat to the donut all by myself, first of all. And I would also like to point out that I resisted the tire man’s urgings to replace all 4 of my tires.

The tire man was funny, though. He asked me how I liked my current tires. When I told him they were fine, he then asked what I liked about them. I thought that was an odd question for something as mundane as tires. I responded with, “Umm…I like that they are round. And they stay on my car. And also they get me where I need to go.” He thought that was funny, but really, what else is there to like about a tire?

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Today I’m the only person in the lab. Thus, I can slack off without guilt. Hurrah! A week or so ago, they taught me how to use the FPLC. FPLC stands for “Fast Protein Liquid Chromatography.” I’m not sure why they call it “fast” because each run takes at least 24 hours to complete. I’d hate to see what slow protein liquid chromatography would be like.

Anyway, the FPLC is this delightful contraption that looks like something a mad scientist would use, and I’ve been dreaming of the day when I would finally get to use it. It’s got all sorts of tubing and wiring and columns and knobs popping out of it–precisely the kind of thing that would make me giddy in a nerdy sort of way. However, I soon discovered that with all the tubes and wires and columns and knobs comes great responsibility. The FPLC probably costs upwards of $10,000, and the software that controls it has a very alarming amount of options and buttons to push to get it to do its job.

The point of this story is that I’m the only one in the lab today, and I need to use the FPLC. I’ve never used it alone before. I’m sort of terrified that I will break it and then they will fire me because they won’t be able to afford to keep me around because the repairs will cost so much and then Josh and I will have to move out of our apartment because we won’t be able to afford the rent and we will either have to live in my parents’ basement or a cardboard box and I will have to teach high school so we can survive.

Oh, the horror.